Character: POT ROAST, A pot roast represented by a woman in a pot roast costume. I don’t even want to argue with you about this.
POT ROAST: Hi. I’m a Pot Roast—Well, obviously. You’ll be seeing me in this story from time to time. I’m magical. I’m summoned by peoples’ memories.
Do you have a Pot Roast memory? A lot of people do. Some stained crockpot bubbling away while you did homework at the kitchen table. Your mom showing you how to make me before you went away to college like you were going to be browning a shoulder steak in your dorm’s kitchen every Sunday.
Maybe you weren’t raised in a Pot Roast household.
(Sincerely) And if that is the case, I am so so sorry that that happened to you.
…
If it makes you feel better, much like anything that can be cooked, Pot Roast can be compromised. Warped by time. Manipulated by circumstance. Burnt. Oversalted. Undercooked. At worst, congealed. Maybe that’s what happened with your family. Someone tried to make me once and I congealed and it was so traumatic they never went back. Maybe you were raised in a different culinary culture full of fish and peanuts and fresh slices of radish and lime and I literally wasn’t a thing.
But regardless of whether or not you were raised with Pot Roast, whether or not it means anything special to you now, I want to take this time to tell you that Pot Roast is there for you. I am Pot Roast and I promise I will take you home.
